The Emancipation of Suzumiya Haruhi
by solstrike00
Summary: Kyon sees the end of summer vacation as his escape from Haruhi's endless schemes, but school is only the beginning of more out of this world experiences yet! After all, Kyon is exclusively Haruhi's.
1. Prologue

**The Emancipation of Suzumiya Haruhi**

Author's note: Er, I suppose this would count as my debut, although Suzumiya Haruhi still demands her own category. Oh, how I await the day! Anyway, after watching the anime, and reading a good portion of the novel, I am pretty confident on my take on Kyon. As a side note, as I haven't read through all the novel publications, I will undoubtedly make mistakes on some club activities, as well, I will be rewriting some events according to my ideas.

Disclaimer: The Melancholy of Suzumiya Haruhi, its characters, and affiliating subsidiaries do not belong to me, but to their respective copyright holders.

**Prologue**

If someone were to ask you the definition of "holiday," or perhaps "summer break," how would you answer them? Of course, these can be defined as the time when children, teenagers, even adults would take time off their work, school, endeavors and so forth, to engage in well-deserved relaxation.

That, of course, is the normal way one would spend such holidays. And I, being 100 genuine high school student, had no doubt in my mind that I would my summer vacation in such a manner. This plan was surprisingly (or unsurprisingly) was simply uprooted and cast aside like a unwanted weed, due to one reason and one reason only.

Suzumiya Haruhi.

Ah, the joys of work-free time, when I can sleep late into the afternoons without plan or worry – or so I had hoped. But Haruhi, being the ever eccentric endless ball of energy that she is, demanded from day one of vacation that we would meet for these so called "club activities." Just what club, Haruhi? You mean your Suzumiya Haruhi Brigade to Bring More Excitement to the World association? The one that has been plainly ignored by the student council?

Resisting her was futile, and giving her such a response will most likely result in the destruction of the student council by yet-to-be-a-club SOS Brigade.

And so, my forced kidnapping began on day one, as decided by the ever heartless and impatient president which shredded whatever plans I had. Thanks to her, by the time my body has finally adjusted to "Summer Mode" like years previous, August was about to arrive.

The homework I arduously carried down the school mountain remained untouched; my days of horror were truly just beginning. For despite the detective comedy-of-error staged on that lone island that is the "SOS-Brigade Summer Co-ed Trip," the invasion of the city swimming pool which was right below the trip on Haruhi's summer activities list, the O-bon, fireworks show, etc, etc, it seems that to Haruhi, there simply was no such thing as enough.

Therefore, when impending school reared its ugly head like a starved lion, and I was in the finishing rushes of completing the dust-covered homework, deep in my heart, I almost felt glad. Now, no normal high school student should look forward to school beginning again, especially when you attend the same class as aforementioned Queen of Disaster Haruhi, but the long hours of boredom will adequately protect me from whatever wacky kidnapping plots she has.

Or so I thought.

**To be continued.**


	2. Chapter 1

Author's note:_ Benedicte_, dear readers. After procrastinating for the better part of this month, I finally finished this chapter. Personally I prefer longer chapters myself, but then comes the realization, "if one person reviews once for one chapter, shorter and more chapters in number will consequentially yield more reviews." Thus, feel free to review more than once :D. Oh, just for the sake of aesthetics, I used references to various things in this story. Have fun finding them!

Disclaimer: The Melancholy of Suzumiya Haruhi, its characters, and affiliating subsidiaries do not belong to me, but to their respective copyright holders.

**Chapter l**

The end of summer sun continued to bear down menacingly while Okabe-sensei droned on about the new term wearing his patented fake smile. There was no possible chance that a cheap school like ours would have AC.

At this point, I had already stopped paying attention; and apparently, so had the girl behind me.

Haruhi was staring at the cloudless sky, unfathomable in thought. If I had not known better, I would have mistaken her for a beautiful, run of the mill high school girl. Ha, as if.

As if she had felt my gaze on her, she ceased her UFO searching and matched my eyes with her own dark ones.

This morning as I reluctantly trudged up the steep hill, I came upon a startling inspiration. They should simply cast student's daily trek as a donation walk for some medicinal fundraiser. Ingenious, and timesaving. Practicing for the possible future, I was suddenly assaulted by Taniguchi.

"Yo!" He clapped me on my shoulder.

Get off me you parasite. Hiking this hill is arduous enough without your assistance.

Taniguchi's grin did not falter. Perverted at heart, yet somehow, I managed to have him as a friend throughout my middle school years. "What's with that cold response man? We friends must stick together now for the new term!" He combed back his dark hair with a hand. His open collar unquestionably resulted from the latest fashion magazine study.

Somehow, I doubt that this suggestion is for a justified cause

"With a fresh start, girls will feel the urge for a relationship, and will be ripe for the picking! Haven't you ever heard of the expression 'get them while they're fresh?'"

Are you referring to vegetables or girls?

"Although I suppose you wouldn't be into normal girls." Don't wink at me; it's disturbing.

…Wait just a minute here. What are you implying?

Taniguichi looked at me in disbelief. And then grinned with the kind of face you would have on while abandoning your life-long friend to die. "Suzumiya Haruhi – word has it that you're involved with her. As in, a relationship."

The look on my face must've been priceless, since he clapped me on the back and ran off giggling, not a caring thought for my rumour-shattering response.

The only association Haruhi and I share is along the lines of queen and her prisoner of war. I'm not quite insane enough for any other relation.

Yet right at this moment of gazes connected, Haruhi appear to be just a dark-haired high school _bishoujo_. There is no extraterrestrial curiosity, or ESP obsession, nor time-travel capability seeking present.

Haruhi became wary of my analytical review. She quickly directed that glare of hers outside the window.

Hmm, was it just me, or was there a present, but scarcely noticeable flush in her turned cheek? Was it possible that the very essence of boldness incarnate actually feels embarrassment? Or was she struck by some rare tropical heat fever?

Deciding not to ponder on it, I left Haruhi to her UFO hunting.

This feels strange.

Certainly, a human such as I, lacking special talents, e.g. godlike 'data management altering abilities' bordering the lines of fantastically unbelievable magic, traveling across temporal time planes, or ESP powers – shouldn't be of any interest to Suzumiya Haruhi.

That being honestly stated, an ordinary human such as I should know better than to correlate with such characters.

Nevertheless, like a moth drawn to the scorching fires of Haruhi's overflowing passion, my feet faithfully delivered me from class 1-5 to the ex-literature club room.

The commandeered clubroom had been the occupancy of one member prior to the SOS Brigade Chief declared takeover. Truly, the home of hellish ideas as for half a year merited a complete revamp and plaque change, were Haruhi's thoughts.

Even you have to obey school rules on vandalism.

And somehow, I managed to constrain Haruhi to just taping SOS Brigade over the plaque. The tape job is crooked.

I opened the door to witness the dazzling vision that was Asahina Mikuru.

"Good afternoon, Kyon-kun." Asahina-san presented me with her pearly white smile, brilliant enough to even illuminate the caverns of Erebus. "I'll have your tea in ready in just a moment."

With that, Asahina, clad in her maid outfit, daintily shuffled over to the teapot. I couldn't help but smile.

Haruhi, if there's one decision you've made that was good; it has to be his outfit. Bearing witness to numerous cosplays in bunny girl, nurse, and frog suits, I conclude that the maid look was simply perfect. Her glossy auburn hair flowed past her shoulders, harmonious with the long blue dress underneath the white flower-edged maid apron.

"I changed the leaves today. It's a more expensive brand. Do you like it?" her question was hesitant in coming.

Asahina, even tap water graced by your loving hands is superior to the purest spring waters. I thanked the gods for the wonderful blessing in the form of Asahina-san, and sipped my tea.

It would appear that only one other member was currently here aside from Asahina-san and I – Yuki Nagato.

Nagato's extraordinary dedication in reading proved present, since she had not removed her focus on her book since my entering. Her short, dark hair might've been better with the glasses, but this thought merely made me shudder. I would like to pretend that the incident which resulted in Nagato's loss was simply a deranged hallucination, thank you very much.

To Haruhi, Nagato was simply a packaged bonus that came with the clubroom, like the toys in those Happy Meals. Perhaps that analogy doesn't work, since you are required to pay for those toy.

Asahina gently poured Nagato another cup of steaming tea, while I awaited the third fourth member of this motley crew.

Speak of the devil himself, here comes Itsuki Koizumi.

As usual, he has his stupid grin plastered on his handsome visage, making me want to punch it in. Not sensing my violent urges, he continued to smile, and waved his hand in greeting.

Nagato did not respond, her slim fingers flipping the pages of her thick novel being the only sign of life. Asahina greeted our last member with her smile and a cup of tea.

Asahina, you don't need to talk to this bastard. Who knows what crazy schemes he and his colleagues have.

"It seems our leader has yet to arrive. How about a game of Othello?" Koizumi challenged me with that coy smile, and flicked a strand of brown hair coolly past his eyes.

I accepted. Strange how he would have astonishing powers on the battlefield, and utterly suck at board games. Stranger still, he continues to challenge me.

Seems that strange has become a common word lately. No, strange takes on whole new meanings with Haruhi.

After all, it was her that first gathered this unique assembly of strange beings. Consisting of a Living Humanoid Interface, time traveler, and ESPer. And the only normal person within Haruhi's clutches, Kyon. That would be me.

Oh, woe is I.

Koizumi placed his black piece in what he probably thought was a strategic location. As I thought, he has no skills whatsoever in board games.

Us sitting peacefully like this is a really rare and commemorative moment. In fact, I'm sure someone could count the days we spend by just relaxing on one hand. Reason of disruption being our self-proclaimed chief.

Perhaps hearing my sorrowful cry of agony, the clubroom door was suddenly kicked open with a bang.

Run for your lives! The government is finally taking us down for the sexual coercion of technological goods from the Computer Study Group, ceaselessly littering the city with acts of vandalism cleverly disguised as SOS Brigade posters, causing time to loop endlessly for the span of eight days, and being the cause of such outlandish and bizarre experiences!

Standing at the doorway in her sailor uniform, was our headstrong leader, Suzumiya Haruhi.

Without a word she stomped over to her designated chair and sat down. Sat is not a good word, as she more or less "flopped" onto the chair. Silently she turned on the ransomed computer and glared at the screen with her mouth set like a duck's beak.

Asahina whimpered, clearly fearing for her life, cautiously presented Haruhi with her cup of tea, and quickly escaped. I don't blame you, Asahina. Only a fool would approach hungry lion. Alternatively, an irritated Haruhi.

With her glare now focused on the teacup, Haruhi sent its smoking contents down her throat in one gulp. Somehow, the saying, 'Don't taste every man's soup, you'll burn your mouth," came to mind, but that woman must have an iron stomach.

No one dared to voice their opinions on the matter, as it seems her woebegone mood made us all depressed.

After trouncing Koizumi thoroughly in three matches, I declined his offer for _shougi_, and examined the indignation of Haruhi.

She was no longer using the computer, but one again peering off to the cloudless sky.

"Mikuru-chan! Sit down right here!" Haruhi proceeded to gesture at the chair next to her without even glancing back to see if her command was being regarded.

"Y-yes!" Asahina stuttered, and fearfully moved over. Tears were in her large almond eyes, hands gripped tightly on her maid skirt as she prepared to accept whatever Haruhi had planned. Don't look at me like that so pleadingly Asahina! Your honourable sacrifice will not be forgotten!

With morbid silence emitting, Haruhi walked over behind the trembling Asahina, and wordlessly began to play with her hair.

During this funeral-esque moment, I glanced over at Koizumi, whose constant smile bore a feeling of trouble. And it might've been my imagination, but Nagato seemed to have ceased reading.

At this moment I wanted nothing more than to sigh, but the melancholic look on Haruhi's face restrained that notion, for it seemed that the smallest sound aside from Asahina's whimpers would break the dam of tension.

And it was within that fashion, that the first day of back-to-school SOS Brigade meeting came to a close.

That night was to leave no sense of peace in me. After procrastinating for several hours, I finally gained the courage to tackle the fearsome load of 'back-to-school' 'what did you do during your summer holidays?' assignments, but now I was pondering what to write. Don't misunderstand; my summer experiences have been much too numerous in number, far too exceptional for a human like me. I cannot exactly submit a report entitled, "How I spent my summer reliving an endless cycle of eight days due to Suzumiya Haruhi." You simply do not write about the girl that sits behind you in class.

Did I accomplish anything typical this summer? Of course, like my yearly family trip to the mountains. Not one of my experiences that involved Haruhi or the rest of the SOS Brigade fell under the category of normal.

As I was pondering on appropriate censorship, my cell phone rings with none other than Asahina on the line.

"Hi Kyon-kun... it's Mikuru..." came her sweet, hesitant voice.

Asahina, Asahina, I would never mistake your delicate voice for anyone else!

"Umm, Kyon-kun, is this a bad time?"

In a match of Asahina versus pile of assignments -

"Of course not. What's the matter?"

"Can you meet me at the park near the station?" was her seductive request. Could this be a secret date?

"I'll be there faster than you can blink! Should I bring anything?" I eagerly replied. This was a golden opportunity to spend quality time alone with her.

"Thank you Kyon-kun, Koizumi-kun is already here."

...Why is that damned ESPer boy alone with you? Don't tell me you're going out with that bastard!

"Eh... Nagato-san is here too. Hurry Kyon-kun!"

The adorable princess has declared her command, and there was no way in hell I wasn't going to meet with her. After all, I can't let _him_ take advantage of the meek and defenceless Asahina.

Despite how urgent the matter was at hand, I am still a careful cyclist, and arrived approximately fifteen minutes after the phone call, where I was greeted by Koizumi.

His smile was a bit stiff compared to his usual sadistic farce. Asahina was sitting on an old bench near Koizumi was waiting, clearly distraught with her hands cupping her face. Like she stated, Nagato was standing beside her, her own face like a piece of cardboard, emotionless. Unless my usual keen perception took a beating, her eyes gave off a feeling of foreboding. What could possibly be horrifying enough to shock this alien?

Needless to say, this meeting was about Haruhi.

Nonchalantly confirming my worst fears, Koizumi said cheerfully, "I'm glad you could make it. If you're wondering about the purpose of this gathering, it would be concerning Suzumiya-san."

On my relatively short bike ride, I had plenty of time to reflect on why we were meeting, though truthfully, it hardly needed any thought. It did not take Einstein to discover the equation of 4s T; four brigade members meeting in secret equals trouble.

"I trust that by this time you have noticed Suzumiya-san's particular depressive mood?"

No kidding. Was it not merely suffocating me this afternoon?

"Quite right. Although the situation is currently at equilibrium, the Agency is preparing for the worst. If possible, we would like to avoid possible meltdown of Suzumiya's thought pattern. Personally I would prefer having to encounter Celestials more than necessary."

I glanced over at the frightened Asahina, and silent Nagato. I can only assume the adorable Asahina is in consensus. If this had involved anyone but our energetic chief, I would be burning Asahina's meek stature onto my retinas. What does your Integrated Data Sentient Entity think on the matter?

"I am only present here as an observer. I am not instructed to interfere," she intoned. "However, the Integrated Data Sentient Entity wishes for this halt in information to cease. Present situation may lead to reverse evolution."

"How about explaining this in words Asahina and I would understand?"

Koizumi took on the task of translator with a cheerful smile.

"In layman's terms we must ensure that Suzumiya-san's mood improves. Otherwise we may end up being cast away for a new world."

I stopped standing long ago to sit next to Asahina. Looking at that pitiful expression, I gently patted her head. I should probably note that her hair was softer than silk, its texture seeping through my fingers like moonlight rays. Feel free to lean on me, Asahina! No need to be shy!

"I believe it would be best to discuss a solution to the predicament at hand"

Stop ruining the moment! What exactly do you expect me to do? Grovel at her feet begging for compassion upon the poor citizens of the planet, attending to her every wish and command (like I'm already coerced to)?

"That is one possible solution. However, my recommendation is that you utilize the same method as when you rescued our world from rebirth."

"Hell no." I never wish to be reminded of that moment ever again as long as I exist. The reminiscing taste of her lips… Argh!

"I presumed that to be your response." Koizumi answered immediately to my outburst, grinning like a monkey. "You speak of this matter as if it doesn't concern you, but you also wish for the safety of this world. Grovelling might not work, but I recommend that you seek to relieve her of her stress."

How am I to accomplish such an ambiguous task? In addition, why are the girls staring at me with that calculating look? You're all in cahoots with this plan, aren't you!

"Forgive me saying, but scientific research have proven that sexual stimulation can accommodate as an exceptional stress-reliever." Koizumi palpably stated, visage frozen in a provocative smile.

Being a hormonally challenged warm-blooded male, the images that swept through my mentality were definitely not appropriate or this fiction rating. My vivid imagination had no difficulties creating numerous scenarios where the slim and beauteous Haruhi engaged in several 'exercises' with yours truly.

To my credit, I subconsciously refrained from drooling, though in the split second of imaginary paradise, Koizumi's upturned lips branched to the wicked look of, 'I know what you did last summer.' Sorry, I am being sidetracked. Craning my head to clear of ridiculous thoughts, I proceeded to defend my honour to the anxious Asahina and the silent Nagato

"Just what madhouse do you pull your insane ideas from? Don't pollute the minds of these girls," I expressed, turning to them. Asahina was blushing beetroot. Ah, her innocence is so captivating.

"If Haruhi were here, she'd mutilate you for suggesting such an idea."

"Umm, Kyon-kun, it may not be as impossible as you think. Classified Information from the Classified Information suggests that the possibility of Classified Information is quite high," Asahina interjected, flushing even darker. Even if you say that, what am I supposed to understand here?

Speaking for the second time that night, Nagato took the liberty of answering my unspoken question. "Initiating basic association with Haruhi in a positive manner is the most appropriate course of action"

Silent approval rang in the calm moonlight. I sighed long and hard, and felt if my soul was really attempting to escape its earthly container.

Koizumi deterred his gaze at the sky. "In any case, let us be aware of the potential danger. I'll personally be counting on you, though" the bastard even had the gull to wink!

And that concluded the first secret plotting meeting of Caesar's downfall.

Glaring sunlight filtered through the curtains of my room, disrupting my dreamless sleep far too early. Burrowing under my covers like the seasonal groundhog, I was awaiting slumber when my sister leapt upon bed.

"Kyon!" Hop, hop, and hop. What you're hearing aren't the creaky bedsprings. Those are my bones you're breaking!

Beloved sister did not cease her torture, but proceeded to pull me off the bed.

"Get up, Kyon! Your friend is waiting for you! Kyon!"

If you were to witness my sister firsthand, I can bet with confidence that your first passing thought will be '_kawaii!_" or the sort. This is because her ponytail tied off cutely to the side and her delicate frame simply screams 'I need your protection, _oni-chan_.' Trust me, fellow male readers; this classic anime character-like sibling is most certainly not as adorable as she appears. She could at least call me "oni-chan" occasionally. To further demonstrate my point, let us witness her routine morning ministrations.

'Kyon! Hurry up! She's not going to wait forever!"

Groaning and moaning, I allowed her miniature hands to drag me down the stairs. Laugh all you want, but it was far too early to wake up. Therefore, I simply gazed upward blankly as the sounds of the petite girl grunting in exertion while rubbing against me intoxicate my senses.

"It's not even morning and already you have that perverted look plastered on your face. Have you no shame?"

That voice. That crystal-clear voice that echoes through my darkest nightmares. The voice that haunts my sleepless nights. It couldn't be, could it?

No, a man is brave. He does not cower from enemies or the unknown. He ventures steadfast, charging like the manly icon he is. would that classify me as a spineless coward, if my whole body stiffened at that resonating sound, which could only have come from one woman.

Apprehensively, I lifelessly craned my head upward to the source. Blocking the bright sun was the young SOS Chief in all her glory, mercilessly regarding her POW. Mouth set acutely, Haruhi's confident grin etched upon her face contradicted her earlier lamentation.

Was it time already to ruin my day?

"I came over later than I had originally planned, but yet I find you like the dead." with one swift action, I was hauled to my feet and down the steps in bounds.

"See you later Kyon!" my precious sister waved happily, not looking depressed at all that she may never see me again.

"Haruhi, do you have idea what time it is?"

"Stupid, of course I do! Kyon, when will you learn to stop this senseless doubting of your leader?" Haruhi huffed.

Out the door, Haruhi went, and out of it, I was dragged, legs bouncing limply on the ground.

"Haruhi."

"What!" She didn't turn around.

"Can I put some clothes on?"

"..." Haruhi stopped her power walk and turned around slowly, realizing probably for the first time that I was clad in only an undershirt and boxers. I felt her eyes trail over me.

"Quickly." Just that one word and she released me, whipping her head around. Rubbing my sorry rump, I looked to see the faintest of red on Haruhi's cheeks. Grinning, I planned to tease her, if not for the frigid breeze reminding of my near nudity.

"Hmm, these aliens are quite ingenious to have prepared for a morning assault," said Haruhi, ever-energetically probing every street corner.

I followed along, having already accepted my defeat, enjoying the mint-laden morning air. Somehow, the ordinarily glaring sun composed itself, enriching in the world, an orange glow. Thankful for such serendipitous weather, I closed my eyes to appreciate the atmosphere.

Only to be interrupted, of course.

"Kyon! Are you listening? Jeez, didn't your mother teach you it's impolite to ignore beautiful girls?" Self-proclaimed beautiful girl exclaimed.

I peeked at her through half-lidded eyes, still noting the entrancing smooth face that belonged to the beautiful girl. The light cast by the gentle sun softened her features, so that it possessed no equal in radiance. Her healthy glow emanated from her scowl; the very one directed at me.

"Haruhi, just take this moment to appreciate life," I sigh, strolling into the lion's den.

I imagine her face is quite a sight, from her indignant stutter of a response. Might as well enjoy the end of my short life before Haruhi takes aggravated action.

"Kyon..." Haruhi slowly began. "You're strange, you know that?"

"...Yeah."

Eyes closed, I imagine Haruhi's unadulterated grin.

Have you ever noticed how tiredness catches up the instant you rest? Waking early takes exceeding effort of will, yet the challenge exists with attempting to stay awake several hours later. Therein lay my predicament.

Okabe-sensei's droning is quite similar to a mother's lullaby, and his equation remind of sheep counting. Sorry, my mind has just about evaporated. Moreover, perhaps by some cruel joke of higher beings, the girl behind me was granted slumber, neither teacher nor fellow classmates taking note of such inappropriate behaviour. Sadly, I knew that even with classes missed, Haruhi would have no problem conquering schoolwork.

Forgive me if this appears biased, but is it also a practical joke of God that I am called on for every question?

Life is truly unfair.

Yawn. Several hours of sleep-learning later, I am journeying towards undoubtedly the greater stress that is the SOS Brigade clubroom. This repetitive walking sensation burned – no – _beaten_ into me, and I was not about to risk breaking tradition.

I entered the Brigade room to the sight of Asahina, today donning her nurse outfit.

"Good afternoon, Kyon-kun," she said, head tilted slightly in the most delectable expression ever. "Tea will be ready in a second, so please have a seat!"

Ah, life is worthwhile. Sitting down, a glance revealed that Nagato is in her usual corner, today reading a thinner novel, "Race to Freedom." Stoic as always, I see. Across from me was Koizumi, face in a perpetual smile, holding a challenge of _shougi_. Quite a normal day and excellent tea as usual.

Asahina, having finished her preliminary work, sat down gently holding the tray to her body, eyes large in wonder as she watched our game. If only this false peace can continue.

Koizumi simply had to interrupt this tranquility. "It appears that Haruhi's disposition is of a good humour once again," he waved absently as a gesture. "If I only knew what such effective methods you employ to cheer her, I may be free from a lot of demanding work."

I really didn't do anything. Haruhi simply has the average teenage mood swings.

"Really? Then I should hope you'll always be available to ensure her mood doesn't exceed the limit of the swing."

Glancing up, I can see the laughter in his eyes. Horrible pun. Asahina looked relieved also, smiling brilliantly. However, I'm happy the world averted disaster once again.

There is no surprise in me that Haruhi would not take a break from her duty as commander, and just let this normality slip by, if only this once. Murphy's Law exists in our daily life, and being a fervent upholder of such a pessimistic outlook, Haruhi herself burst through the door with a kick.

"Hello," declared Haruhi. "I'm glad you've all gathered here today, as I have our next activity prepared!"

No one gave an evident response, except for all eyes and ears focused, particularly mine. I can only pray that this activity does not yield too many casualties.

Brigade Chief glanced around the room, obviously disappointed with the lack of enthusiasm. "Come on people, show some energy! Aren't you guys curious at all about our next footprint on this boring world?"

Seeing as I have been elected as chief communicator, I asked for the all of us.

"And, what are we going to go destroy next?"

"We aren't going to destroy anything," she firmly stated. "We're going to enter in the annual Go-Kart competition!"

"…" Asahina's horrified response.

"…" Nagato's silent reception.

"…" Koizumi's idiotic smirk.

"… We can't drive." The obvious.

"So? I've gotten to practice on the family car." No, obvious facts never stopped Suzumiya Haruhi. For she changed facts when she felt like it. "Quit worrying before you even experience driving – trust me, it's a thrill to _die_ for!"

May that sadistic, sarcastic and egotistic sentient being up there have mercy.

** A/N: Edited on: 10/11/06 9:12PM EST -5:00**

-Added HTML codes

-Corrected minor mistakes


	3. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Author's note: To those reading this, sorry for late update, I was hit by a bus. Busy with website work and homework too.

Disclaimer: I don't own the Melancholy of Suzumiya Haruhi and all its subsidiaries.

**  
-**

On this airy autumn Sunday, I was not at the location I'd previously planned. Instead of snoring my day away, I found myself standing in a kart-pit, analyzing what was undoubtedly experienced competition. For such light one-man vehicles, the125cc karts in question maxed at nearly 185km/h. Granted, equally serious safety measures took place, including the mandatory helmets, neck collars, and full-body suits. The matching full-face helmets were extremely modern – sporting a wireless intercom. Crafted from Acrylonitrile Butadiene Styrene plastic, fibreglass and a soft, thick, inner liner made of expanded polystyrene foam, these protective headgears are the children of years of testing and research and follows rigorous safety laws.

Or so the sponsorship website claims

Yes, I thoroughly researched the safety equipment prior to my decision to participate.

And yes, that was a gross exaggeration of my own freedom of choice in the matter, as Haruhi would've dragged me here regardless.

The past week flew past conscious train of thought at blistering speeds, emanating the expression 'time flies for those that wait.' Advantageous to some, such as our leader, whose sole thought in mind featured this race, this fast-forwarding was definitely not to my favour. I had not yet completed the latest English assignment.

Haruhi, when asked, gave an incredulous reply, "That thing? I finished it in class." Why the divine presented Haruhi with such intellect, I will never know; and neither will the fellow racers arguing with Haruhi.

Enjoy as I may the refreshing shade of the tool-filled miniature garage, it seemed best to stop this impeccable fight prematurely, for the safety of those other kids.

Asahina-san _et al_ noticed the commotion, but I expected them to pay no heed. Shy senpai was trying to pull down the fringes of her short cheerleading skirt. While the rest of our group wore full-body zipped suits, she donned the team cheerleading version, a softer fabric compared to our leathers, and matching red and white skirt, which hitched up every few moments. Haruhi, adamant on the importance of racing female fatales, kidnapped her into the change room before we were presented with our set. Ironically, despite Haruhi's extreme tastes and interest, her fashion sense is unparallel. Form hugging, the white top sported a low v-cut zippered neck that flared into a redlined ribbed collar. Crimson bordered the outside of the neck, paired with curved centrepieces on each side of the stomach. The skirt contrasted the top, red hue predominant, ending with white above the knees. Stylish and urban, the uniform declared dangerous speed-chick, looking like a port straight from _Tokyo Drift_. Indeed, that overly endorsed eye-candy of a film failed miserably at portraying high school life. It wasn't so normal.

Nagato sat next to the anxious Asahina-san, before her eyes met my glance confirming her consciousness. She was not clad in a cheerleader uniform, but a skin-tight, racing crew outfit. However, she did have a pair of pom-poms. Too bad, her petit figure would have been a pleasing sight.

Koizumi, who sat next to Nagato, watched the unfolding argument with a sympathetic smile. He also wore a leather suit.

Upon my near arrival, the source of Haruhi's fury became evident.

"I dare you to repeat that again; and I'll castrate you - hang you upside down by your entrails, and knock off your limbs like a piñata!" Haruhi has a very imaginative mind. Pity; the opposing trio of fools did not yield.

"Whatever man, chicks can't drive for crap - just make losing easier on yourself and quit." The piñata-to-be looked a typical punk gifted with a face bland of characteristics worth describing.

I came up beside Haruhi and placed a hand on her shoulder to halt her assault. Ignoring the consequences of interrupting, I told them off.

Why not settle this on the racetrack?

Trio of racing squares stared me down, sizing up my no-doubt handsome appearance and striking pose. Haruhi also decided to turn and scowl at my interruption. Sigh, the good guys are always so unappreciated.

"I can handle these buffoons by myself, so why don't you run along and go play with Mikuru-chan!?" With each word rising in volume, Haruhi shouted her complaint with a finish of 140 decibels from my estimate.

The apparent goon squad leader, after examining me like a rodent he happened to have pitied on by ending its life faced Haruhi with glee.

"Yeah, alright. Bring it on the track then. It'll be better to watch you lose publicly," he laughed, and his companions followed suit as they skittered away.

Burning holes in their retreating figures with relentless animosity, Haruhi then glared at me. It was quite cute; that flustered glare adorning her features - if it weren't yours truly on the receiving end. Though I wouldn't have anyone else take my place.

Haruhi hmphed' with a cross of her arms. "Whatever, it'll be fun to nationally humiliate those idiots. Kyon, you better be tuning the kart right, and that goes for the rest of Koizumi's buddies."

I almost forgot that he invited a few peers to do all the technical work. They weren't noticeable, but only the more suspicious.

"It pisses me off how they think they can do whatever they want simply because they're the defending champions for the past three years."

Sigh. And of all people, you just had to bother them?

"Kyon, when you're the challenger, you always go after the champions! Don't you know anything?!"

Another 'Suzumiya Haruhi's life lessons' you should promptly ignore if you wish for peace and happiness. Ah well, something else had been bothering me.

Haruhi, on the way in, the billboard specifically stated that the age minimum is eighteen. How are we competing? Sue me for curiosity, but what type of coercion was utilized this time?

"Oh, I simply asked the JAF district manager nicely," Haruhi grinned enticingly. The Japanese Automobile Federation was the overseer of this event.

Don't tell me that's all that you did. No matter what world-changing abilities Haruhi possessed in her arsenal, I refuse to believe 'asking nicely' was one of them.

"Hmm. well, I did follow him around for a few days to discover his weakness, but he was just so ordinary, hanging at bars picking up girls."

Ah, so that's why she wasn't at brigade meetings recently.

"Then, I did some research, and discovered that he was married! So I took a few compromising pictures, and he turned a blind eye to our entry." Haruhi finished, face in a Cheshire grin.

Lecturing Haruhi on human ethics and morality was a waste of time. Haruhi's clothing yielded more interest.

"He even provided extra sponsors, like the Yamatsuchi Model-Shop!"

Her own leather outfit did not differ greatly with Nagato's, white, with fiery highlights on arms and down the abdomen plus thighs. Alongside lay cleverly concealed ventilation slits. The factor that made Haruhi look more impressive was no doubt her curvaceous body.

Then I noticed that Haruhi had been watching my appreciative examination for some time.

"I'm glad you like it," she huffed, turning away quickly, sarcasm dripping off every word. "It even has the SOS Brigade insignia on the back."

Indeed, the pitiful chicken scrawl embroidered on the centre of the back nested snugly between the flaming red borders. So that's where my deposit on these suits went.

-

Sometime later, I found myself placed once again in our homely pit, watching the starting line underneath the relentless sun. Now I finally realized the scope of this race, such enormity in a go-kart competition. Bleachers of fans seated on the outside of the track were screaming senselessly. Monstrous tires decorated the outside of the track, along with a well-protected cubby of judges and commentators.

Somewhere among the dozen plus karts must've been Haruhi with her number 14. To my knowledge, the numbers bore no testament to the starting position, so we probably blackmailed past the qualifier.

Above us, the announcement speakers boomed. A two-part sprint race was today's agenda, apparently due to the unanticipated number of participants. A five-lap qualifier followed by the actual event would require hefty endurance.

"Uh... testing, testing... And welcome, folks, to the annual racing sponsorship held at -"

"KYON! I expect you to be 2000 ready when I hit the pit! Or else your head will roll," screeched my wireless headset. They should have added a damned mute function. At least the kind Asahina-san is worried about my ear spewing blood. And how is she planning to "hit" the pit?

"Kyon! Do you copy!?"

Yes, yes, now please stop screaming! My ears cannot withstand toxic emissions!

Before Haruhi could continue blaring, the first red ready light flared, accompanied with its distinctive beep. The signals came from an overhead pole, painted black against the coloured lights. Beneath it lined up the bevy of karts, from various companies, covered with an equal number of sponsor ads.

I don't know why I've never considered this before, but Haruhi was being truthful when she stated she could drive, right?

The second of the five visual signals alighted. Now is quite late to worry over safety, but whose? Should I be concerned with the possibility of a merciless crash massacre? Am I worried about Haru-

Third honk sounded as its respective double-sided light lit. I am currently thinking at mach speeds. Why the hell have these possible dire consequences never come to mind until now? Who drugged into agreeing to this stupidity? Perhaps that instinctive trusting bond Koizumi claims we share blinded my better judgement.

Last warning light flared. I'm not usually a praying man, but if you can hear me, please save us Superman.

_BEEEEEERRP._

Dozens of slicks squealed against smooth tarmac, attempting to gain traction to the harsh demands of their drivers. The four-stroke engines roared in their pride. Timed with an undeniable _VVROOM_, they were off.

It was Nagato that spotted Haruhi first, silently pointing toward her on our monitors. Koizumi did not appear worried, but his little beady perspiration testified otherwise. Asahina-san's response was really to be expected, whimpering behind me in fear, pulling on my suit. She still had that aphrodisiac quality, even if I didn't know if her fear held was for Haruhi, or us. Both are justifiable at the moment.

-

It would appear that our anxiety was uncalled for, as Haruhi speechlessly proved her navigating capabilities. Our radio airwaves were dead, so I'd assume Haruhi busied herself on driving.

The first lap was merely a warm-up, and the drivers took this time to warm up their tires and holding a good position. Of course, that doesn't speak for everybody, since Haruhi only saw first in her mind, and it was 'metal to the pedal' right from start.

Drive she did – that mistress of disaster was surprisingly adept at it. Actually, I suppose that now it's no longer so miraculous, given Haruhi's own history of pulling rabbits out of that bottomless hat of mystery.

Haruhi's 14 quickly advanced through the instant placement ranking on our second monitor. That laggy screen wasn't nearly as breathtaking as her racing.

Her kart slipped through the smallest of breaks, slivers of opportunity that one wouldn't even risk considering. Nevertheless, this was Suzumiya Haruhi, and damned be anything she would not dare. Weaving through tightly knit traffic like laser through recycled paper, her fellow competitors must have been twice as astounded as we were.

Haruhi pounded the first corner with aggression, shocking the defending karts. With no time wasted, she angled her turn, and squealed along the apex past the defender, before immediately stabilising.

Without flinching at all, she maximized her speed from that turn, picking up number 6's draft and slingshot past. Again, she intercepted the ideal line, flying through with just enough force.

With no rest, Haruhi punched the engine and caught up to the leading group. This time, the drive held the defending line well on two more corners, Haruhi forced near the apex.

Wait, what was she doing?! She's slowing down, but placing herself directly behind number 7. Just a little more and you'd be breaking contact rules, Haruhi!

"It would seem that Suzumiya-san is employing the technique drivers call 'drafting.'"

What the hell is that, conscription?

Koizumi continued with a flick of his hair. "Essentially, you place yourself behind the defending driver, and force him to accelerate. While the leader is using his engine to push a hole in the opposing air currents, you simply follow along in the vacuum, closing the hole with your vehicle."

I looked over at his smiling face, free from traces of worry once again. Where'd you get this technical information?

"My associates, of course. Some happen to specialize in racing against time, per se."

The commentators were equally astounded, commented on in awe. Just who was this rookie entrée, they asked each other. After some time, her name was located. Apparently, no details aside from name and her team were evident; no bombshell in the fact that it was none other than the infamous SOS Brigade.

After some commentator giggling over the retarded brand, the race was once again the focus. We were the underdogs, the cockroaches, the household pests that were annoying, yet somehow inspirational in their ability to survive and come back repeatedly, mounting the throne that is rightfully theirs.

I'm no optimist, but at Haruhi's rate, we may just win. However, this was only the qualifier, where top ten will make it through.

Someone tugged on my sleeve, and I found the usual SOS maid looking slightly calmer, yet still fearful.

"Kyon-kun… what if something goes wrong? Haruhi wouldn't have an accident, right? What if she needs more fuel or the engine breaks or a tire pops or—"

"No need for worries. If anything disruptive comes along, I'm sure dear Kyon-kun has no problems handling it with ease," Koizumi suddenly stood beside me; hand on my shoulder in what I deduce should've been a comforting gesture. "This is our destined fate, and I'm sure nothing will occur, too out of the ordinary.

Our ordinary is already extraordinary, you bum.

A blaring air horn sounded, signalling the end of the qualifier, accompanied by loud fanfare. All around us, tech crews cried and rejoiced underneath the pit area roof. Quickly glancing the monitor revealed that Haruhi placed fourth, after the defending champion and his two goons.

Well, one possible crisis averted. If only the race itself were as easy.

Nagato also joined our little standing party of reluctant saviours of the universe, and pointed to the abandoned headset cast aside on the table.

"—Kyon! K—yon," static flitted through. Crap, this did not bode well. Grabbing the communication device, I was privy to the full message in all its obscene glory.

"KYON! Why didn't you answer!?" Shouts and screams.

I was preoccupied celebrating your stupendous win.

"Preoccupied my – Get the fuel ready, I'm coming in for a refill," said our driver.

I relayed the message quickly, and we spread around, awaiting Haruhi's arrival.

Soon enough, the lightweight vehicle sped into our roofed pit with a screech, and Haruhi flung off her helmet with a shudder.

Haruhi's dark auburn hair swept across her face, sticking in bangs, beads of perspiration decorating her usual headband. Her suit clung tautly to her figure, the top unzipped halfway. This race was taking more from her than I expected.

"Koizumi, go fill her up, and tune the engine – Mikuru-chan, get me a drink – and Kyon," said Haruhi, whipping out instructions, smoothly sidestepping out of the vehicle. "We need to discuss our battle strategy."

"Ye-yes!"

"As you command."

Nagato, without orders, simply floated off like wasted RAM. I remained, returning Haruhi's analytical look.

"Kyon."

Sigh, what is it now?

"I need you to watch the race from the monitors." She measured my trustworthiness with her stare. "I'm going to have problems passing the leaders, so you better direct my cornering."

That was it. Haruhi returned to the track pronto, retesting the kart, while I, with not even so much as a thanks or a please, prepped the monitors as if my life depended on it.

-

Later I learned that Koizumi's associates did all the behind-the-scenes work. Since none of us has any real engineering knowledge (with the exception of Nagato, but she doesn't count), all I could do was hope for the best.

His squad of ESPer boys obeyed Haruhi's commands and made appropriate adjustments. The qualifier gave us an hour or so break until the main event, but she didn't rest at all.

Our resident time-traveller served the still warm tea from her thermos, and Nagato passed the time examining the assortment of nameless tools. Meanwhile, I wandered around, scoping the competition.

Most drivers were fine-tuning their machines after getting a feel for the asphalt, so it seemed that nobody had time to sit around. Except Haruhi's nemesis, who, slouched in front of his private trailer, relaxed away.

That impression was misleading, since he also ordered his lackeys around.

I returned to the Brigade pit area, only to find Haruhi sitting in my seat. Strewn around haphazardly were electronics, car batteries, a few laptops, and a bunch of tires. She was responsible for this mess anyhow.

"Did you finish everything already?"

I sat in Koizumi's folding chair, as he was nowhere in sight.

"I don't know where he got the crew from, but they're really something." Haruhi sipped on her water bottle. Her top was unzipped halfway, revealing a black tank-top underneath.

"All the preparations are done, and we'll begin soon. Kyon, you better be watching those monitors. Those three work well to block my vision, so I'm counting on you."

Haruhi gave me a side-glance, before rushing over to Asahina-san, and began playing with her.

As I sighed and honoured the loss of a young girl's innocence amidst the squeals and yells, I turned to the brigade's diminutive silent-type member. Nagato, who hasn't spoken a single word all day, sat beside me with a walkie-talkie. Seeing her flick it on and off reminded me of a question I had always wanted to ask.

How do you talk with your boss anyway? The data sentient whatever – use something like a communication device?

Her dark eyes matched mine, before answering in her quiet voice, "The use of primitive information transfer technology is not necessary. I was created for interacting with the sentient life forms on this planet. In essence, I am the communication tool."

So basically, you just talk in your head?

Nagato stared at me briefly, before giving a slight nod. I guess I wouldn't understand even if she explained, without an encyclopaedia handy. That would probably be why she doesn't normally take action herself. Her role was to only account. This triggered my next question,

"What do you report to your higher-ups?" I'm not sure who her boss might be, but they cannot possibly be interested in boring daily procedures.

"My task is to monitor Suzumiya Haruhi's behaviour, subsequent alterations to surrounding data, and the other factions also engaging in surveillance."

Nagato's slim body was absolutely still like an ornament, but her eyes conveyed complicated emotions, like one experiencing their entire life in flashbacks before their death. From what she's told me, her fellow aliens have varying views on just how to deal with Haruhi and her crazy brigade. Some, like the disappeared class-president, would take extreme means. For now, however, Nagato was a dependable warrior on our side.

"The other factions would be Koizumi's ESPers and Asahina-san's time-travellers, right?"

Nagato turned away and gave a slight nod of affirmation. Haruhi, just look at how important you are. Some would kill to be chased after by aliens, time travellers and ESPers, yet you still pursue more!

In a small voice, Nagato continued,

"…As well, I am observing you."

-

Time continued its rapid pace, now steroid-enhanced. Therefore, without further complications, the main event began to rave fanfare and broadcast. Several camera operators dispersed, eager to film this unusual event. After all, how often does one see karting at such high speeds in Japan? Far more common in the western society, it certainly raises the question of possibly how Haruhi is so good at it.

That was a rhetorical question, since the answer is as obvious as why weird people surround her, with the exception of yours truly.

Unlike the qualifier, the results positioned the racers accordingly, and Haruhi's 14 was on the outside lane, second row. All vehicles in position and fired up, all that remained, was the signal to begin. Aside from the light indicators at the top, the sponsors even managed to get some poor sap take the position of the finish line tower, and wave finish and warning flags.

As for the Haruhi's minions, we all stood, gathered around the little colour monitors, silently awaiting the start. Our position was quite close to the finish line, so we had an unblocked view of that and the tower as well.

The red light alighted once again, and the speakers blared out some useless information.

The yellow light soon followed, and the drivers revved their one-cylinder engines in response loud enough to us.

Flagman raised his arm…

Green flag flew down in split-second to the green light. Engines erupted in magnitudes of revving and sound – smoke rose in burned rubber – drivers shot back in their seats – and they shot off.

Haruhi wasn't leaving this to luck, and aggressively began to pressure the inside-lane driver beside her, number 6. Just short of contact, she maintained her speed around the first bend, leaving a barely visible gap. The red 8 and magenta 10 behind her had no opportunities to attack.

A quick glance at the live driver info revealed that the two leaders and navy 6 were none other than piñata and his goons. The list indicated defending champion as 'Natsume.' His goons had forgettable names.

The stragglers really began to show after the first three turns, quickly distanced from the leaders. The first six karts rapidly pulled ahead, magenta 10 battling against red 8 for an open space behind Haruhi.

Just as Haruhi angled her corner, making a racing line past defender's navy 6, it feigned a sudden collision course – right towards Haruhi!

She pulled, giving 6 the lead, and swivelled trying to gain traction, her wheels scarring the tarmac with black.

The nerve of the bastard, assaulting like that! Even with Haruhi's exceptional driving, the sudden fake cost her two positions, and she dropped rapidly behind magenta and red. Faintly, the headphones hooked onto my neck sounded shouts and static profanities.

Speeding again, this time pushing normal controllable turns, Haruhi raced towards the apex, the number of turns already forgotten. The defending karts began pulling in towards the inner circle, but Haruhi punched the engine.

Just discernable, the complaining whine of her engine played through the headphones accompanied with her restless breathing. Calm down, relax, calm –

The rest of the group shared my anxiety, Asahina-san long ago death-gripping my elbow, Koizumi glaring at the screens. Yuki appeared unfazed, but to my eyes, she might have been nervous also, her eyes unblinkingly staring.

Rounding the sprint's figure eight, 14 pushed forward… 8 trailing 10 slightly… and rounding the first bend, Haruhi sped even more, drafting behind 8, and without even slowing down, forced 8 forward on threat of collision – slowed suddenly – and in a move that can only be called magic, drifted her back tires around the corner of the apex, before instantly reversing the angle of the front tires, and stabilized right past the out of control 8! Unprecedented! Watching it was like seeing for the first time a famous conductor weaving harmonic artistry with such contrasting instruments.

I let out a breath, collectively with Koizumi and Asahina-san. Both were sweating profusely. Nagato saw me watching, and blinked once.

The distractive brigade members buzzed over my shoulder as I observed Haruhi rush through the leading 10 on a straightway, catching up to the leading three. Their self-confidence wasn't unfounded, as they somehow blocked Haruhi for another corner. By managing to coordinate a cheap mobile wall of sorts, they effectively blocked Haruhi's vehicle.

Suddenly, a clear tone pierced my concentration

"Kyon, do you read me?" Haruhi's voice sounded strained. She must be having difficulty with three karts directly in front.

Aye, aye, Schumacher.

"What?" A slight pause, and then, "Whatever, tell me how far the next U-turn is."

Judging from pure uneducated estimation, I would say... one hundred metres. Oh look, the leader's grey vehicle sped off. Ditching the two goons, number 1 pushed ahead, leaving the dirty work to 2 and 3. What coincidental numberings.

Haruhi grunted in effort controlling her kart at high speeds. Time for me to pull my weight. Nearly at the turn, goon number two slowed and hugged the inside, while number three slid around the outside. In that split-second of an opportunity, I exclaimed --

"Now!"

There wasn't a reply, but 14 must've gunned it, and like a sausage through butter-buns, defied all rationality, squeezed through the two defenders with a wild slide. Nevertheless, it wasn't truly over until the three straightened.

The first to do that was none other than Haruhi.

Continuing her rapid pace, the crowd certainly loved it more than we did, but I couldn't speak for Asahina-san, who had cutely fainted against me. Koizumi clapped in admiration and loosened his collar.

The only person who gave no acknowledgment was the driver herself, still intent on passing car one. Last lap and only the two made it in qualifying time – the rest were busy licking their wounds, already off the track. Even the two goon karts slipped and barrelled into the inner hay bails.

I will be the first to say that the defending champion impressed me. To keep Haruhi at bay was an extraordinary feat indeed. Perhaps Haruhi deserves her own medal for her insane courage. Now she was demonstrating it clearly, attempting to knock the leader out.

"How much further until the next bend?" The wireless came to life once again with rapid speech.

"Maybe seventy metres," I reckoned. I estimated from the number of equal length banner ads spanning the outside ring.

Our little group watched as Natsume hugged the corner to the extreme driving over the chequered inner border, leaving no chance for his follower. On the miniscule monitor, Haruhi's kart started intimidating against number 1 from behind. Tailgating would have been the appropriate vocabulary presently.

"It appears that our commander is becoming quite agitated," Koizumi spared his life-enlightening thought.

Thank you Koizumi, your impeccable observation has been much useful.

"You're very welcome."

Back to the race at hand, with a lap remaining, last two remaining competitors were like bulls locking horns, neither letting up. Just after three more turns, only a straight run will remain.

Flaming red 14 and grey 1 clashed, both tightening all gears, tires and whatever else in those karts to pass the other, and with an _opposite_ attempted turn, Haruhi's 14 squealed the back wheels over first, and she made the inside corner! In some strange miracle, she sped up again, and spun her way inside! I wouldn't have believed Haruhi had known what brakes were. Indeed, I was sure she was sporting a tank with the message, "I only know one speed – forward" earlier.

"We're certainly not out of the woods yet," Koizumi said with a hand on his chin.

I turned to notice that Nagato was intently staring at the screen.

That Natsume didn't know how to quit, insistently feigning towards Haruhi with front bumper into Haruhi's back tires. What kind of foul play was this? This is definitely not the behaviour of a champion!

He pushed again, this time actually contacting – what should've been an instant disqualification! No, the fans were only more excited, and the officials did nothing but sip their tea, enjoying this little speed-war.

"What kind of idiocy is this? Why aren't they disqualifying the ass?" Damnit, what the hell is this place?

Nagato answered me in a rush, "The rules do not entail implicit details regarding using force to incapacitate fellow racers. Section 4.B line 35 specifies that no action will be utilized by the organizer due to aggressive driving."

Haruhi's cries came through, "—I'm trying—his car is heavier—Argh!"

Nodding in acknowledgement to Nagato's assistance, I told Haruhi, "You hear that? This will possibly be the only time I ever tell you to do something stupid, but it looks like fair play isn't the on the activity agenda, so slam that guy into the bleachers!"

My anger increased to a level that hasn't been since a long time ago, but that was different. This time, it was raw anger – at the fans, the organizers, and at that champion. Please, let me live to regret this later.

Rushing through the last stretch aside one another, sparks flew from the assaults each driver bore the other. Scratched paint flecks dusted the road. Slicks burned away, streaking the asphalt.

And then, Haruhi was immediately behind number 1.

"Take this you –"

Dust bellowed from the track, as karts skewed across the pavement and crashed into the sidelines with a screech of metal and rubber. The spectators gasped, commentators shouting –!

-

Occasionally, there are times throughout life when logical thought is abandoned, and pure instincts drive man forward. What I thought at that moment was certainly not logical, since what I was hoping for, wishing for, may prove disadvantageous for humankind.

In these moments, man does not care for others. It is that greedy desire burning, bursting from control that matters the most.

The scene was not far from the finish line, but was on the opposite side distanced from our setup. Beside me sprinted Koizumi, his eternal smirk absent.

A crew of white-suited paramedics already stationed at the scene raised my apprehension. Officials barred people from getting near. Spotting a distracted rent-a-cop, I swiftly stepped past and entered the smoky crash scene. What used to be parked karts in the vicinity that now beleaguered the scene exaggerated the mess. The parking area did provide first-line of defence for the bleachers behind them.

The crowd was unharmed, but seemingly even more excited. Haruhi, where are you?

Acrid fumes arose from the ground littered with plastic and pieces of advertisements. Stains highlighted the ground, a rainbow reflected in them as the sunlight filtered through. Sounds of cackling flames and collapsing metal almost lead me to miss a voice.

"Cough – ugh…."

I glanced around, attempting to locate the voice. By now, the early-glaring sun hid away behind a cloud, encircling the area with shadow. Then another cough, to the right, hidden by the miniature fume clouds. I trekked over, covering my mouth with my already soot-covered sleeve.

"Haruhi!?" A figure emerged, rolling out near the outside border, but it wasn't her. Out of the generosity of my heart, I sighed and dragged his groaning self to the outskirts of the accident, dumped him off for Koizumi and Nagato, and ran back into the dark unknown.

By now, the smoke of the crash dispersed slightly, giving me better sight. Heading deeper, I heard the fainting roar of an engine, and felt shattered glass underneath my feet.

Haruhi, quit hiding.

I felt a calling; something drove my footsteps in the direction of a clearing past the strewn karts and beyond the fence of advertisements to dirtied ground and a gateway. The sky shining through this hole suggested that it lead outside the track. I possess neither woman's intuition nor psychic abilities, or can foretell the future, but this feeling was overpowering. If someone had described to me their experience of called to action by some higher being, I would have nonchalantly categorized them as either extremely sleep-deprived or clinically insane. In the first place, I would not associate myself with such people.

Trudging through the smoke, I witnessed a dark silhouette, simmering in the breeze.

I stepped through, and found a young beauty.

Haruhi stood there, immobile as a statue, head tilted towards the heavens, as if defying the powers that be. Her expression shadowed, framed by dark hair spilling over a flushed cheek. The left hand clutched her helmet, a scratch scarring the smooth plastic. Trailing the shoulder of the arm was a long gnash, dry blood already scalding.

She was amongst the wreckage, looking for the entire world, like the sole survivor of some horrendous tragedy, both pitifully poignant and cynically laughing, mocking her own destiny.

I could not approach. Bolted to the ground, my eyes dared not to wander from her desolate figure. Sunlight haloed the contour of her being.

She was no longer a girl – no longer the passionate honcho of the SOS Brigade. No, she was out of this world.

Sighing, I concerted on moving my legs, and perambulated beside Haruhi, resting my scrutinizing gaze upon her, and then turning it toward the haloed clouds.

Silenced ensued, the deep echoes reverberating through the air.

"Nice weather out today," was my intelligent proclamation. There was no reply, though I did not expect one. Her good arm was cradling the other.

"So, do you think they hailed it our victory?"

Tumbleweed wobbled by as the sole response. Most likely, I would have continued standing there, had not Haruhi spoke.

"You came looking for me," she said, a surprised statement in the tone of a question.

This sounded like a trick question Okabe-sensei would give us where the answer lay in how you chose to respond. In this scenario, a non-aggressive honest approach should yield peaceful results.

"Can't ditch the leader all by herself, can I?" I stated evenly. Definitely – she might hurt somebody.

Haruhi stared at me with a condescending frown. The edges of her lips then slowly crawled up their porcelain residence, and formed into a bright, beaming smile.

"I see that you've finally followed the rules of conduct on properly treating your superior officer," Haruhi said, casually striding an encompassment. She paused, and grinned once more, "Let's go grab a championship."

-

Of course, reality would never concede and spare me grief if given the opportunity, and thus, here I stood, stimulating my temples to prevent an apoplexy, as Haruhi chewed out the organizer for his resolution. Her bandaged arm was an oxymoron contrast to her boundless energy.

"What do you mean, 'there has been no declared victor?' The whole world can testify that I _obviously_ won!"

The event manager was equally as distraught as I, attempting to calm down the livid lass.

"Our cameras were wrecked during the accident, and it was unclear which vehicle passed the finish line first, if any!" The balding man in his grey suit, exasperated, still accomplished to maintain a level attitude. I pity him, tortured on the business end of Haruhi.

"Aside from that, you both should be disqualified and causing such trauma and damage! Why, I nearly had a heart attack! The only reason you're still here is because of the pleased fans, don't forget!"

Well, that ended all sympathy for the man. He was another ordinary pompous money-grovelling executive, unconcerned for others.

"What the hell is that? Then what the hell was the purpose of that whole race if there was no winner?" This came from Natsume, who was also present. It appears that he completely reverted from his sickly self to the king of arrogance.

Haruhi fumed, obviously faulting him for the entire incident, but nevertheless, acquiescent. Joining us were Koizumi, Nagato, and the bewildered Asahina-san who recently recovered from unconsciousness.

Stepping up, the only other male in the SOS offered his Solomon-esque judgement. "Why not hold a short race between the would-be victors?"

Blaring silence trailed in the wake of his suggestion. Honestly, sometimes I speculate about the sanity of those in the SOS Brigade. Does the fact that your acclaimed 'God' just unceremoniously strode out of a crash play no factor in your proposition of a rematch?

"Great idea, this way, it'll be obvious I won," said Natsume.

As the expression goes, an idiot is a genius to another idiot. The greater shock lay in Haruhi's expression. I would presume her feelings to be that of a woman who just had her car stolen in front of her and left with a thank-you card from the thief. Shock, annoyance, and anger were just a few that flickered across her face.

"That is an apposite suggestion, and we can administrate that, seeing as the track is cleared now." The management stated, relieved at the silence, before pointedly looking at Haruhi. "Unless someone has a better idea?"

The savage young woman looked prepared to strike, but watching my frown, restrained herself. Near-victim continued quickly with an answer completely contradicting their aggressive driving rule, "However, you will require a substitute. We cannot allow injured racers on the track, sorry."

The apology at the end must've been the trigger.

"What!?" Haruhi sputtered indignantly. "What the hell kind of rule is that? This is just a scratch, now give me a kart, or we'll witness who is _really_ injured!"

A nearby security personnel walked up glaring at Haruhi. She obviously did not yield to the challenge and glared full-force in return – burning his ironed uniform. With the backup in immediate demand, the manager regained his bravado. By then, I had silently moved beside Haruhi. People like him really piss me off.

"If that is not okay with you, we can simply reward Natsume as the champion, since he's already well endorsed and publicized."

My grip on Haruhi's shoulder tightened, and she halted her fuming reply. I quickly interjected, "Yes, we'll find a substitute to represent our team."

As a last resort, I'm sure Nagato would be up to the challenge.

Natsume arrogantly smirked, familiar of Koizumi. "If your little princess can't beat me, who will?"

Haruhi immediately cried, "You're such an idiot that even Kyon can kick your ass anytime!"

I am pleased that I'm so useful. This wasn't leading well.

Knowing that Haruhi walked right into his plan, Natsume went on, "Then let him be your representative. I'll be waiting at the finish line."

"You'll definitely be waiting, since we'll walk off with the trophy!" Defending champion had already walked off, obviously delighted with his unoriginal exit line.

Why was it that this girl smart as a dumbbell when it came to obvious taunts and confrontations? Like a salmon swimming upriver, Haruhi did not know when to quit.

So the queen of the SOS Brigade stood proudly, tremendously confident. Oh, if only she would share even a cubic centimetre of that faith, since I was the poor sap racing.

Haruhi finished glaring at Natsume's retreating back, and turned to me in full scrutiny, her lips cast in a circumflex. Her fiery cat-like eyes bore into me.

"Kyon, come here for a second," Haruhi's order was firm, and the rest of the group sent me off with pitying waves.

I am reminded of those people who have this inane ability to twist commands into firm requests. Generally teachers, one should be always wary when within talking distance, for they never know when they're coerced to work. Now why does this sound familiar?

Haruhi, with the practised precision of a world-class arm-wrestler, dragged me by my hand toward the sheltered pit. Ah, the possibilities, had it been Asahina-san acting so bold.

We arrived back in our kart pit, hidden behind the multitude of kart trailers and clean-up crew. The prior securely packing the speedy monsters away, and the latter disassembling Haruhi's destructive scene. Undoubtedly, they would be in a furious haste to protect their investments after realizing her destructive prowess

Haruhi halted in the shadowy recesses. Her slim hand did not lessen in grip. I thought of making a congratulatory comment to burst the bubble of tension that accumulated, but her voice interrupted me.

"Kyon," Haruhi began, her clear tone resonating in the cramped space.

Turning fluidly, she gazed unblinkingly into my eyes. Her bandaged arm crossed her chest, her free hand still clasped onto my wrist.

"I really hate people like him, cocky and self-absorbed, constantly judging others."

I wonder if Haruhi realized the similarities. However, her super-utility does have reasonable foundation. Even so, she isn't so simply arrogant.

She turned slightly, and her bangs shadowed her face, so that her expression remained a mystery. This felt like a continuation of earlier, in that clearing. Haruhi began again, her words reminiscent of a story that was still occasionally crossed my mind.

"Kyon, do you know why we go to school?"

Well, that is obvious, isn't it? Because it's illegal not to?

"Stupid, that's only until high school. Anyway, we attend school to meet others our age, who share our interests and beliefs, that's why there's such emphasis on clubs and festivals."

Would this conversation have to do with the SOS Brigade?

Haruhi gave me a hard stare, "Middle school was a disappointment – it was mundane, and the students were worse. Everyone thought highly of themselves, forming posses and cliques, and so the ones that didn't fit into the social norm were outcasts."

I could see where Haruhi was heading. She loved the extraordinary, the abnormal. Her fame would have easily preceded her.

"It's understandable, that as kids, they don't know how to accept different people. And in the end, I never did find anyone out of the ordinary. Those like Natsume think they can just do whatever they want, and step on everyone else on the way."

Standing there, I felt Haruhi's grasp grow tighter by the second, turning vice-like. At this rate, I would have an accident even before my race.

"Don't worry about it. I am a member of the SOS Brigade, remember? I can't just lose." I even packaged this ignorantly hopeful statement with a half-hearted smile.

"…" Haruhi seemed to snap out of her trance, and faced me with a confused yet surprised expression. Maybe she saw through my façade. Instead, she gave me a Mona Lisa smile.

"Of course! Because if you don't, you're going to churn through my Ultra-Punishment Assembly Line, two hundred percent efficiency, you hear?"

Wait, wait, wait, why is it 'Ultra,' and what's with 'assembly?'

"Obviously, since it assembles punishments for the unlucky victim. I should mention that, it also reassembles you randomly for dissection." Haruhi grinned at me again, this time showing her pearly whites.

Terrific. Oh, terrific.

-

Ever notice how easily it is to criticize someone, an athlete or skilled professional perhaps, but once you enter the driver's seat, so to speak, the pressure and stress is so much more? In life, one should seek the life of a bystander, the informative, yet pleasantly sarcastic narrator who can enjoy the work of others without ever working yourself. Never be unwittingly dragged into routines such as "for-the-survival-of-mankind" situations where daily sacrifices have become a common practise to the extent of, dare I say, _normal_.

As a martyr of humanity, my wish is that, at the very least, let me live through a forsaken journey that is about to begin.

"You look ready to be executed." Koizumi said, looking even cheerier as I donned my safety gear.

Your body's too close. What's the difference?

He grin stretched further, showing an unnatural amount of teeth. Continuing his mad rambling,

"Why, I believe you should feel happy. After all, you've been chosen by Haruhi herself, to race in her stead."

I'm racing because our little brigade chief fails to understand how to back down.

Koizumi tried to appear surprised, but managed as well as a blind man sightseeing. If you ever head for Hollywood, Koizumi, don't be surprised by a Golden Raspberry.

"I would have thought that by this point, you have already realized that any non-deterministic event is influenced, or perhaps even controlled."

You deduce that Haruhi willed for this circumstance to arise. That she wanted to have an accident. Ridiculous – even she has enough common sense to live.

Undeterred, Koizumi flicked the wrench in his wrist. "You misunderstand. Suzumiya-san does have the power to realize wishes, as I am sure I have emphasized endlessly. However, one would assume that she does not plot the course for the actualization of such wishes; it is not her character."

Securing my headset and helmet, I flicked my head for that awesome glasses flash effect.

Certainly, Haruhi isn't the type to plan ahead of time. But that would imply she wanted me to compete in her place.

"I would assume that Suzumiya-san hoped for an opportunity to depend on you, and to demonstrate that you are trustworthy. She perhaps, wished for you to realize the existence of her trust."

I entered the 125cc kart, dubbed number 11, the replacement the representatives kindly provided. It was already warmed up for its future fatality. The mirrored face shield hid my expression.

"Or maybe she simply had a bad day, and wanted you to suffer."

Koizumi sensed my laser-beam glare, trying to Etch-A-Sketch his handsome face off.

"I'm just joking, joking!"

-

Consequently, in all the confusion, I never did mention my complete lack of driving experience.

**END of chapter 2?**


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